Immature Kid

A couple years back, an old man said that I was mature beyond my age
But if you ask a random teen girl, she would call me an idiot with an exhausted face
Doesn’t matter if I tried to stay fit, run a mile everyday, and beat everyone in a sprint race
Now I look like a guy whose hair are about to turn grey
Well, that’s what they say.
So guess, I’m an immature kid
Who doesn’t have control over his impulse
Someone who’ll shoot himself in the foot and eventually self destruct
That’s wrong on so many levels
You don’t know me that well if you think I am going to put myself in trouble
Got enough intelligence to leave before a situation gets too bad
Like a family gets abandoned by a deadbeat dad

An immature kid who talks maturely
Not even difficult to find, it is a rarity
Calling a saint a sinner is blasphemy
If I act rude to someone, that’s on me
I’ll accept my mistake and issue an apology
In this land, everyone does shady deeds
Some give a helping hand to someone who’s in need
I’ll give my both hands to grab you up when you’re down
But if you turn against me, I’ll throw you in water and won’t let you out till you drown

So, still one would think I’m an immature kid
Despite me being twenty one and having many more years to live
Just think about the capacity I have at the moment
After ten years, I probably will be even more solemn
And what if I find solace in being soul less?
Least, it makes me more self aware
Drives me through each day without giving a care
Helps in covering my emotions with thick layers
That’s why I don’t feel the need to have everyday prayers
Have had some rough moments, had my fair share
So if you still think it’s a lack of maturity
Then I can’t keep giving you security
I’ll let you dig deeper in your own insecurity

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Why do you write if no one reads?

Why do you write if no one reads? Few people have asked me this question.

So here I want to reason why it is such an important thing for me to keep writing.

It feels like I have pulled off a massive weight off my chest. My mind does crazy things and I have a tendency to over think. Writing always helps me to process my thoughts and be well connected with them. I do not do this to please others but myself.

Often some people do tell me that what I am saying is quite right but then they question why I do not always follow my own advice if I know so much. The simple answer is it is the first step to acknowledge the stuff that brings you down and knowing what you can do to change it but we humans have emotions as well. Only knowing and being aware is not enough. We need time to better ourselves as well. Life is like a rollercoaster ride. There are always ups and down and that is what most people actually fail to realize. We experience happiness, sadness, fear, love, rejection, dejection, loneliness, excitement, anxiety etc. and this is what makes it all wonderful yet terrifying at the same time. So, thinking that wisdom and intelligence are going to cover your every flaw is a misconception because human beings are flawed and they make mistakes even if they don’t want to.

Coming back to my original point of why I write even if no one is willing to read, I do it for fun, for the pure joy of it and that is rare stuff. Finding something which you can do just for the heck of it is the most satisfying and calm feeling that we can experience.

On an empty road

On an empty road at midnight
A boy walked alone wishing someone would say “Hi!”
Hug him and tell him not to cry
“I am here to be your friend, no worries and no good bye.”

Stay honest and loyal to him
He’ll be there for you when no one else will.
Deep down he knew he had a pure heart
Still people didn’t want to be with him and they torn him apart.

Suffering had become a norm to him
The pain was intense like he had recently hit the gym.
His future looked so dark and grim
He knew he had to hold on, keep going on and swim.

Then came a young beautiful lady, charming like a princess
He thought he had found his love, now he was fearless.
The only problem was that he had to let go of his shyness.
It was his trait so all his efforts went in vain.

The young lady did not return his love
He was left heart broken but knew he didn’t need her
Moving on was the only option left for him
But the pain was so intense
He found himself lingering on an empty road once again.

Stop pretending

Stop pretending everything’s fine.

Others don’t give a damn neither a dime.

Life struggles are reality, not a sin or a crime.

It’s hard to keep it in,

When everything falls apart and nothing’s fine.

 

I see others having fun and enjoying.

I just wish all those good things and happiness were mine.

But I am left here, sitting in a small dark room crying.

 

Wipe the tears flowing from your eyes.

Happy endings are not true, those are lies.

Somebody save me, these inner demons will finish me and lead to my demise.

Even if it happens, I won’t be surprised.

I am used to it now, I won’t go down but I’ll rise.

The only option is to climb upwards.

There is nothing at the end if I go downwards.

 

Shoot for the moon and hit the stars,

Just to see how much can I travel.

Will I end up here or go too far?

 

It’s not about reaching the stars,

It’s all about healing those scars.

I suffered from reckless pain back then,

So I will not give up until I breathe or unless I am dead.

 

Stop pretending things were fine always.

There is nothing to be afraid of and you have already found solace.

You have a family and loads of friends,

nothing to lose and nothing to gain.

 

Things don’t work like that though,

Reality is real, even if you want it to be unreal, it sometimes seems surreal.

On the surface, nothing is dirty, everything is clear.

 

Hoping things will get better soon,

‘Cause I feel relaxed and content,

only once in a blue moon.

 

Trying to think outside the box.

Trying to be as clever as a fox.

Trying to climb up on the longest wall.

Trying to defy all the odds.

 

Hope is there as it has always been.

I wish to see those things which I have never seen.

Be as noble as I can get, as noble as no one has ever been.

 

Don’t have a debt under your belt.

It’s hard to repay and impossible to forget.

Lagging behind you is not an option.

Nagging you constantly is only the solution.

 

I imagine doing things that no one does.

Imagine thinking those things to whom all that never occurs.

Imagine saying things aloud but only find myself whisper.

This life is a struggle, man! It’s a roller coaster.

 

Don’t waste it on blame games.

No use calling each other lame names.

Focus on your main aim

Haters will have nothing to say but display shame.

That’s when you know you’re a winner.

You’re a real life hero and not a hero in fiction.

 

 

 

 

What to do when you have nothing to do!

Well, it’s a break from college/school and we have nothing much to do. So what should we do?  Ah! Sitting at home all day watching YouTube videos is extremely mundane and boring. There is a need to shake things up a bit, something that will turn this monotonous routine into] an exciting one.

1- It is a great time to enjoy your hobbies: You will miss this time once the break is over so better start doing stuff you enjoy. Better late than never.

2- Go out with friends: Well, you must have some friends. Why not go out with them? Go to the mall or just do some fun activities in park. Time spent with friends is always fun.

3- Seek a new adventure: Even little things can make a lot of difference. Take a different route and just visit a new place where you haven’t been before. Surely, it’s fun but be careful as well. You do not want to get lost and never come back home, ha!

4- Expand your social media horizon: You have a lot of time to kill, so expand your social networks. Try different websites. Search something which you have never searched before. You might even learn a new skill.

5- Study: Well, yes it’s break but it doesn’t necessarily means that studying is not allowed. Study the subject which you actually love and which seems interesting to you. Perhaps, psychology is the one subject that appears interesting to almost everyone now a days.

6- Read novels: Again, some people might think it’s boring but actually, once you start reading them you’ll feel like there’s a movie going on inside your head. This feeling is highly addictive as well. Reading novels and connecting with characters provides an opportunity to live different lives and you learn many more things about life.

These are the things that you can do easily during the break from school/college. It is not costly at all so nearly everyone can do it. Good luck and enjoy the holidays.

Adios Amigos!

3 DAYS LEFT!

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On a wonderful evening of Thursday, I was gazing outside the window, admiring the beauty of the sunset which had been gradually taking away another day and leaving my unstoppable-thinking mind with new set of memories. I was trying to relax, but a hint of unsettled feeling was driving me nuts. I felt something was missing. A sense that something was incomplete, unfulfilled and a shadow of emptiness made the room appear darker. I spent my morning having fun with friends and later, wrote a poem, watched my favorite show and did some virtual interaction. By the time of evening, I was feeling a strange sensation which was rather irrational and pointless. That’s what I thought anyway.

However, this strange feeling refused to leave. Nobody likes an uninvited guest to suddenly arrive at your doorstep but sometimes, you have to welcome them even if it makes you resentful towards them. The worst thing that could happen after that is your guest not giving a slight hint of leaving but being a well-mannered educated person, you try your best to serve them as long as they’re at your house. Dejection is something which is an unsolicited guest residing in your body without your allowance. Only difference is that, you do not care about the etiquette and try your best to throw it out of your system but you’re not strong enough to do it all by yourself. A friend is needed during those times when you’re too weak to handle something all by yourself.

Perhaps, this was the reason I was feeling emptiness during that marvelous sunset which seemed to have great magical powers. It looked as if it had the healing power of turning an emotionally wounded person into a happy, energetic and full of life, happy-go-lucky persona. I was sitting all alone beside that window on an armchair gazing outside. Was it loneliness that made me feel so unsettled? Or was it the fact that I was not fulfilling my desired goals? I had to do a hard introspection before I could come up with an answer. I had to look deep within to truly know what was missing.

For the time being, I thought that maybe all I needed was to make a plan, organize my schedule and take a small step to achieve my goals. I always thought after high school, life would suddenly change. I’d become an extrovert, an overall positive person, develop good study habits and everything would be perfect but I was, apparently, very wrong. Life hasn’t changed much, in fact, I sometimes feel even more irresponsible than before. I realized I had to make a change, take control over actions or otherwise accept the life as it will come to me. Each day was passing by with a one-way ticket. I became aware that these days which are saying goodbye after every 24 hours are not going to stay here even if I begged them to stay. It was necessary to stop waiting and start acting.

I had Friday, Saturday and Sunday off from college so I knew I could do a lot of things during those 3 days. 3 days are a long time but they might not be that long. Well, all depends on how you perceive it. I decided I’d view these 3 days as a long, long time. I muttered to myself, “You only have 3 days remaining to live. Do whatever you want. Do not think about your past; do not think about your future. There is only present and you’ve got 3 days to live. So, better stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop dwelling onto insignificant things and start doing what you’ve always desired for. Work in small steps and give yourself a chance to make your dream come true.”

These words I told myself will probably have a great impact on me even in the future. I will have to remember over the years that I do not have an eternity to live. So, to avoid this empty, unsettled feeling, I know, as a matter of fact, that I need to start working in small steps to achieve the desired results. One step at a time can do wonders.

Make the most of these upcoming 3 days!

Shapeless!

Red rose growing in my garden, it looks so beautiful.
Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, saying is something special.
Listening to a symphony, an experience which is magical.
All the traumas I faced, leaves me with a shapeless heart like an amorphous white lead powder.

Give another meaning to life, a thought on which I ponder.
Regularly following the same routine is difficult to handle.
Something new is always out there, just need to look over.
Stop looking at the sky all the time, look down, a bit more lower.

So many people I see, it’s harder than you imagine.
Try to live in the shoes of an introvert.
Maybe my mind is going to detonate.
Only few people are out there, with whom I celebrate.

While the danger was impending, I preferred avoiding.
I started to daydream, treacherous tasks were coming.
I wanted to run to that shimmering shoreline.
A tunnel to my energy and an end to my boredom.

Vibhor Sharma vs Viby atray!

Sometimes I feel like I have an alter ego. Just like I see Eminem having “Slim Shady” as his alter ego, I also feel like that “Vibhor Sharma” and “Viby Atray” are quite the different personality altogether. I started using the name “Viby Atray” only when I began blogging and due to the fact that “Viby” was a nickname given to me by a close friend and “Atray” is my real surname which sounds cool to me, I started using this name at different platforms. It was like I gave a birth to a totally new person because Vibhor Sharma is someone who cannot write peoms/articles/compose music (EDM)/Draw sketches etc. He is someone who lacks self esteem, is not talkative, cannot handle a lot of stress, gets nervous, sometimes a bit clumsy and he just isn’t open to a lot of experiences. On the other hand, “Viby Atray” is more of a “cool” guy. Atray can write poems, draw sketches, write articles, interested in human psychology, doesn’t get stressed out, have high self esteem, interested in learning EDM/DAW, wants to speak his mind and he is also open to new experiences. One night I was talking to a friend and I told her that my real surname is “Atray” and not “Sharma”. She got really confused and asked me who was I.

VB

She couldn’t understand what I was trying to say and right then it hit me and I realized that I needed to ask one question to myself. Who am I? (See also: https://vibyspeakshismind.wordpress.com/2015/08/31/who-am-i/ )

Basically, I just had to tell her what name I use on official documents and what my real name is but I started thinking about it a bit too deeply. I was wondering who I actually was? I am a totally different person sometimes and right there I just got the answer. I realized I was “Vibhor Sharma” who wanted to become like “Viby Atray”. I was so fond of Atray because of his charming persona and his ability to read, write and comprehend. I wanted to be that guy in real life as well. I still struggle to become “Viby Atray” and I am still not up to his standards. So, from this day onward, my aim would be to make a fusion of these two people, i.e, “Vibhor Sharma” and “Viby Atray” because I am sure this combination has the power to change the life of “Vibhor Sharma” who needs a role model and a kick start to find the motivation. I believe “Viby Atray” is that person who can change the fortune of “Vibhor Sharma” in the coming years.

I don’t know….

I don’t know what’s happening.

At this point of time, imagination is what I am lacking.

Some days I cannot fight it out,

some days it is so hard to figure everything out.

I try to be as strong as I can be.

I try to make myself visible but you cannot see me.

Sometimes I get ignored and forgotten.

Sometimes I cannot feel I am alive any longer.

Although I know this experience will only make me stronger.

It gets hard to move on, how do I get rid of this monster?

I can relive, invent myself again, I wonder.

Trying my best would be wiser.

As long as I try my best, I know my future will be brighter.

Silence is the best thing as of now for me,

because it’ll make me a fighter without using any violence.

I imagine…

I imagine if I could go back to the past.

I imagine if I could change things like that.

I imagine if I could be a totally new person.

I imagine if I could change my life’s purpose.

blog.nykidsclub.com
blog.nykidsclub.com

I imagine if I could time travel.

I imagine if I could see the beginning of this planet.

I imagine if I could start all over again.

I imagine if I could have avoided this pain.

I imagine if I could change my fate.

I imagine if I could meet my soul mate.

I imagine if I could see myself from another person’s eyes.

I imagine if I could witness my own demise.