What’s Your Purpose In Life

This guy has realized some things and I agree.

The Truth About Sexual Attraction

I’ve been talking a lot about the fact how life does not have a specific meaning, how we could literally do anything and get away with it from a certain point of view, seeing the big picture that is. This realisation can be in many ways really eye-opening for sure, but most importantly knowing this fact, tons of pressure created by our society will be lifted off from your shoulders. Since nothing really matters, why would we do anything? Since life has no meaning, there is no point in even trying to keep our society on float. There is no point in contributing to the cause of being human. Why won’t I just simply go on a trip of self-loathing and spoil myself in the biggest way humanly possible?

Great confusion can come from believing that life has no meaning. I’ve elaborated before on another fact that reality is subjective…

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Reign Over Me (Movie Analysis)

  • Plot

Alan Johnson is living a good life. He is married to a woman he loves, has children and a well-paying job. However, he finds it hard to balance his work life and his personal life as his responsibilities have increased. He has no one to share his feelings with except his wife. Charlie Fineman, on the other hand, used to have a family and a job as well.

Unfortunately, his wife and kids die in a terrible terrorist attack. Charlie is devastated after the death of his wife and kids. He begins to isolate himself and tries to suppress the grief. Alan and Charlie were roommates in college and Alan tries to get in touch with him again. As Charlie’s condition keeps getting worse, Alan decides to stick by him and help him to deal with his emotional trauma.

  • What happened to Charlie Fineman?

Charlie Fineman once had a good life- good job, nice family and lots of love. On September 11, 2001 his family dies in a terrorist attack. His family dies in a plane crash. With a sudden loss of his loved ones so unexpectedly, Charlie loses his normal life and slowly begin to isolate himself. He seems to be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and depression.

  • Charlie’s character

Charlie Fineman isolates himself from the people around him. His behavior seems to be abnormal. He is in denial and avoids any conversation about his family. Alan, his college roommate, reunites with him. Alan is shocked when he realizes that Charlie doesn’t really remember him.

However, because Alan doesn’t talk about his family, he feels no problem in hanging out with him. One night, they are in the bar and they are just having a good time with each other.

Later, they are seen drinking root beer and Alan suddenly starts to talk about Charlie’s family. Charlie gets angry, he throws root beer over him, he yells, gets physically aggressive and he also gets suspicious. He accuses Alan Johnson that he has been sent to Charlie by someone.

Charlie compulsively remodels his kitchen and he is seen listening to music wearing headphones throughout the movie.

Charlie once again gets extremely aggressive later when he meets Alan in his office. He seems to get agitated quite easily and frequently.

Charlie is seen getting flashbacks about his family, getting extremely agitated at times, being isolated, maladaptive behavior, anxiety, getting intense physical reactions such as pounding heart when the pictures of his family are shown to him, denial and he seems to be emotionally numb.

 

  • What is PTSD?

When a person faces a traumatic event such as a soldier returning from a war or a person experiencing a natural disaster like Tsunami or any event that threatens you in any way can trigger Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

PTSD can happen to anyone and the cause of it is not tied to one particular event. PTSD can develop if an individual experiences any emotional trauma and if it leaves the person emotionally devastated. Traumas such as sexual assault, terrorist attacks, natural disasters, war etc. are some causes of PTSD.

  • Symptoms of PTSD and how Charlie depicted them in his behavior

Some of the symptoms of PTSD are mentioned below:

  • Upsetting memories
  • Flashbacks
  • Nightmares
  • Physical reactions such as pounding heart, sweating etc
  • Avoiding reminders of trauma
  • Loss of interest in activities and life
  • Outbursts of anger
  • Anxiety

Throughout the movie, it was clear that Charlie Fineman displayed these symptoms.  He constantly got flashbacks of his family, excessive sweating, and severe anxiety and pounding heart when the pictures of his family were shown to him, he also avoided anything that reminds him of his family, the future seemed bleak, and he was hopeless, frequently got extremely irritated and dangerously aggressive. It is clear that Charlie Fineman was suffering from PTSD.

  • Reflection Paper

Talking about the acting aspect, I was surprised to see Adam Sandler in a serious role. I have seen him doing comedy so I never thought he could pull off a role like this so brilliantly. I enjoyed the movie because the actors did a good job. Storyline was good and execution was nice.  Director did a good job as well.

I liked the part when Charlie finally revealed his story to Alan Johnson. The emotions seemed true and it was a heart wrenching moment. Even imagining it was so painful but I had developed lots of  respect for Charlie Fineman  that despite such a great loss he didn’t exactly  give up. He was still living, he was still fighting and towards the end we saw he was on his way to recovery. That is something extremely hard and it is admirable and inspirational for people like us as well. There are people out there who have lost so much yet they refuse to give up. This is something I think we all need to remember when the going gets tough.

It is important to remember that no matter how bad it gets, there’s always a silver lining. It just reminded me of Dumbledore’s dialogue “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if only one remembers to turn on the light.” It is true. This movie reminded us that troubles are everywhere. Life can get really hard but with some support we can always face all the challenges life throws at us.

In the end, I was happy to see Charlie Fineman was on his way to recovery.

Why do I exist?

It is a question I often ask myself. There are schools. There are colleges. There are jobs. There is money. There are many things but nothing gives us a reason to live.

You do school from K-12, then college and then you get a job so that you can live. Sounds like an ideal system in an ideal world. However, we don’t live in an ideal world, do we?  World is unfair, according to some. But is it really like that? Is the world actually unfair? I used to think it is. Many used to think it is and even now a lot of people think it actually is unfair. The older I get, the more I realize world is not unfair, it just is. Universe is indifferent.

World would still work whether we are here or not.  Whether I exist or don’t, the Earth is still going to rotate around the sun. There will still be a new day after this night and the cycle will continue.

I know this yet I am afraid. “Afraid of what?” I ask myself. Afraid of future, afraid of responsibilities, afraid of expectations, afraid of getting a job, afraid of trusting others, afraid of everything…afraid to live.

It is an endless cycle of trying to stop being so afraid of everything and just let it be.  The question that I often ask still remains and it will continue to remain as there are no rules, no guarantees and  no concrete answer  to this… Why do I exist?

A voyage to the mountains

I was waiting for the trip to begin but a sudden feel of nervousness and excitement resided in me an evening before. How is it going to be? Will I have fun? Is it going to be okay? I wondered as I packed my stuff for a 5-day trip.

On the morning of 11th December 2016, I woke up early at around 4:00 AM to calm my nerves. It was a short tour but I was going to be out of my hometown after a long time. I was excited but nervous as well. I got  ready,  double  checked if I  had  packed  everything that I needed  and left home to get to my buddy’s house  from where me and  his  family were going to  depart for the  bus stop.

Once we were in the bus, I was just in the moment and was calm.  The adventure had begun and it was a 6-7 hour ride to the place where we were going. It was a village called “Dandi”.

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It was a long, tiring day. We had dinner and while initially it was awkward for me to be at a family occasion where I was not invited, I started to shift my perspective on the situation after some amount of time. I thought  to myself that it  was a great time to be here  as  everyone seemed happy and I started to feel the  same  as they didn’t  hold back to share their happiness.

We were tired after such a long bus ride. I had a sound sleep that night.

blog3.png This place had an aura of peace. Away from  all the things back at home,  the trap I  was bounded in,  I  found  a  way  in  solace.

The real adventure of our trip began on December 12th, 2016. We woke up early to head to Rishikesh. The plan was to see Lakshmann and Ram Jhoola there.  It was amazing to be there. The view from the bridge was magnificent. Looking far away from the ground to sky was breathtaking. I was glad to be there.blog6.png

We  spent the entire  day  in Rishikesh.

December  14th, 2016, was a day to  be  at  Mussoorie. The bus ride  to  that place had many twists and turns. The ride left me feeling a  bit  nauseous for a while  but eventually, I managed to spend  the entire ride without much difficulty.  Once again, looking out of the window the  scenery in front of me  looked heavenly. I wanted  to stare and  stare and  stare ….

Our destination was  Gun  Hill. We had  the option  to go  by  trolly but we   decided  it’d be  quite unenthusiastic  for  our young body to take the  easy way out.  We  trekked to the   Gun Hill which  covered  a distance of  about 1 km from  the library  bus  stand. It doesn’t sound like a lot  of distance but the  way  was  steep and going upwards was a big challenge for us. With  a bit  of difficulty  and  pain in our  lower  back(guess we  are  getting old! Ha!) we managed to reach  the top. It  was a proud feeling that we did  it by  our hard work.IMG_0137.JPG

I had a very  good sleep  that night. I was glad  I  did this  trip. I was beginning  to  get trapped  in  my mind before I  came here and this trip helped me to break  that routine  of  thoughts.  It changed me in a good way and I felt a change of environment  had helped me to change my perspective on life a little bit  as well.

On 15th December,  we were supposed  to come back at home but  we decided to stay one  more day. It  was a  rest day for  us. I reflected on the  things we recently had done and it  was good to realize that me and my  friend  had traveled to Rishikesh and  Mussoorie all by  ourselves.

I felt our  bond also got a tad bit stronger as we got to know each other at a more human  level.  I didn’t  find much difference  between his family  and mine. I realized we  are different but  yet we have some  similarities.

We were back at home on December 16th,  2016. I  brought  many memories with me and the kindness and love the people in  Uttarakhand gave me was heart warming. I never felt away from home for any moment. It is a  place where I would like to come again one day. Here is  a short  poem I wrote while I was there:

Here I sit in a new place
Forgetting about the old days
not worrying about what anyone says
Discovering myself in new ways

Wandered in the mountains
Found new passions
Wonderful scenery stole my heart
Nature has created an amazing art.nooooooo.png

I would love to come back one day
To see its lovely face once again

I’ll slow down and walk at my own pace
As there is no rush and there’s no race.

Winter: Chilling vibes and longer nights!

Sitting near the window glancing outside watching the stillness of the trees and sensing the aura of the calm atmosphere seems so soothing. As I think about my past mistakes and does a review of the things that have happened so far, it brings a sense of excitement to think what more is still to come ahead.

It has been a roller coaster ride so far. There have been moments when I cried before sleeping, laughed over silly things, day  dreamed about things that may never  happen,  imagined things out of this  world and felt dejected when I couldn’t have what I  wanted. Just like anyone else, I have also experienced several ups and downs this year.

However, there is something about winters that connects with us on a spiritual level. Sure, it can get uncomfortable when it’s so cold as if you’re put into a freezer but the calmness during this time of the year feels like as if time has stopped for a while. You reflect on the past, think about future goals and enjoy in the cozy room thanking for having the things that you usually take for granted.

The days become shorter, the nights become longer and the life gets calmer. Every little thing becomes enjoyable and the hot food gets its due appreciation.

Winter is romantic. It’s the best time to get closer to someone you love. Walking in close proximity exploring the city with someone you love is a lovely way to get to know the person better.

The time of festival, New Year being around the corner and the holidays all adds to the calmness felt during this time of the year. The sunshine during the days looks even more beautiful and valuable as compared to summers.

In short, winter is poetic. Winter is calm. Winter is….. heavenly.

 

A series of unfortunate events

I had to do a case study on a street child. Talking to the kid put a lot of things in  perspective. After talking to him I realized that I  am more fortunate than I ever imagined. Here are the questions that I asked and the answers he gave along with my observations regarding him and the answers he gave to my questions.

Part –A: Physical Development

  1. Do you feel any pain or any discomfort in your body? If yes, do you seek for Doctor’s help?

Yes. Sometimes he feels weak and he is unable to run for long periods. He gets tired easily.  He doesn’t see a doctor too often because of shortage of money. His parents give him a medicine if he gets sick.

  1. For how many hours do you sleep in the night? Do you wake up in between at night? What might be the reason for this according to you?

6-7 hours.  Sometimes it happens that he wakes up in the middle  of  night because of discomfort. In summers, it gets too hot so he doesn’t get a proper sleep. Often, his parents fight and due to so much yelling he finds it hard to get a proper sleep.

  1. Do you get tired easily? If yes, then why do you get tired so easily? What do you do to remove this fatigue?

He gets tired easily.  Lack of availability of  proper  food and no  fixed schedule  to have meals are main causes of fatigue. He usually sleeps if he gets too tired or just lie  down and try to rest.

 

  1. What is your daily routine? Do you participate in all the activities with your own choice or are you forced to do so?

He wakes up at about 7-8am. He wanders here and there till noon on holidays and go to a government school on weekdays although he is irregular. During the evenings, he and his mates would do drugs like marijuana. He rarely studies. He does drugs because his mates tell him to do so.

 

Physique Observation of Respondent:

The respondent seems malnourished. There is no proper diet for him so it is obvious that the kid looks weak. His bone structure indicates he is not very strong. He  is very skinny and seems under weight. He lacks stamina and can’t do physical work for long periods. The use of drugs seems to suggest he doesn’t involve himself in sports or outdoor play activities.

Part –B: Cognitive Development

  1. Do you go to school? Why do you think you or any other child should go to school? What according to you does school provide you?

Yes. He says his parents want him to go to school and learn. School provides learning and fun. They also encourage them to play sports.

  1. Do you regularly attend school or do you miss school frequently? How have been your grades till now?

He is irregular in school.  He has failed 2nd grade once  and  due to  that he is 1 year behind.

  1. Now I will give you a small game.

If I give you 2 chocolates, 1 kurkure, 2chips, and how many items in total do you have?

After thinking for a while, he says 5.

  1. Identify these 5 colors provided to you:

Blue, White, Red, Green and Yellow.

  1. What is the capital city of India?

Don’t know.

  1. Which is the heavier metal of these two? Gold or Silver?

Silver.

  1. What color does the sky appear to be when it rains?

Blue.

 

  1. I will speak like 1,2,3,4,5 ,6…You have to repeat this series in reverse order

He does that successfully.

  1. What do you want to be in the future? Why do you want to be this?

Never thought  about it.

  1. Now a situation will be provided to you. Tell me how you will solve it. If you are walking in a jungle and you are completely alone and you suddenly fall into a pit. How will you come out of it?

By climbing up using my feet and hands.

Interviewer’sObservations regarding Language and Other Cognitive Aspects:

He seems to be a slow learner as it is indicated that he has failed 2nd grade once. He seems to lack general knowledge as he didn’t know about the capital of India. He was unable to construct proper sentences and gave very vague answers. He is unclear about his future goals. For proper cognitive development, a child must be well-nourished but only nutrition cannot solve all the problems. The caregivers must make sure to instill good thinking and behavior pattern in a child.

Part –C: Socio-Emotional Development

  1. Do you have friends? How many friends do you have? Why are they your friends? Do you meet them frequently?

Yes. Plenty. They do drugs together and wander the streets together. They do marijuana every evening.

  1. What is your birth order?

First-born

  1. Do you have any brother or sister? Do you like them? Do you play with them? Are you ever jealous of them?

Younger sister. Yes. Yes. No.

  1. Do you love your parents? Who loves you more, your mother or father? Do you like spending time with them?

Yes. Mother. Yes.

  1. How many people do you meet every day? Do you ever express your feelings with them? Do you tell them about your problems?

Plenty. No. No.

  1. Do you want to live independently, i.e., without your parents, or do you want to live with them? If yes/no then why?

Live with them because they send me to school, gives me food and money.

Interviewer’sObservations:

As most kids, he seems to be innocent but due to his environment, he is indulging in bad habits. He wants to stay with his parents because they take care of his basic needs. He has a younger sister and he holds no grudges. Despite giving vague answers he remained calm. He is the first born in his family. He seems to be compassionate like most kids.

 

Part –D: Understanding Respondent’s Context/Culture

  1. Do your mother and father live together? Do they fight? Have you ever seen any sort of domestic violence in your house?

Yes. Yes. Yes, sometimes his father hits his mother especially when drunk.

  1. Does anyone in your family drink? Do you drink?

Yes. Just once.

  1. Does your father or mother scold you? Have you ever got beaten by them?

Yes. Yes, his father hits him if he makes him angry or does something bad.

  1. Are you from Delhi itself or have you shifted here from somewhere else? If shifted, then from where and why?

He’s shifted from village in Uttar Pradesh. He doesn’t know the reason.

  1. Is the place you are living in now clean enough?

No. There is not a lot of space as well.

  1. How are your neighbors? How do they treat you?

Bad. They yell at him.

  1. Is there any hospital or Doctor’s clinic nearby your house? How do they treat you?

Yes, there’s homeopathic clinic. They give him medicine if he is sick and they talk nicely to him.

  1. What are the conditions of the place you work in? Is it clean enough? Is there any medical facility present there? How are you treated there?

He doesn’t work. His father is a rickshaw puller. He is in school. There is a medical room in school.

  1. Is there anything else you would want to share?

No.

 

Interviewer’sObservations:

 

 

The respondent has seen domestic violence. He has already tried alcohol once at just 9 years old. His father earns and although he sends him to school, he seems to be careless and doesn’t involve himself very much in his kid’s life. That can cause self esteem issues and feelings of being unloved and decreased self worth. Other psychological disorders like PTSD and depression can also take place due to domestic violence. PTSD occurs when an individual suffers from a traumatic event. Constant exposure to traumatic events can lead to anxiety and feelings of hopelessness.

Discovering myself

Here I sit in a new place
Forgetting about the old days
Not worrying about what anyone says
Discovering myself in new ways

Wandered in the mountains
Finding new passions
Wonderful scenery stole my heart
Nature has created an amazing art.

I would love to come back one day
To see its lovely face once again
I’ll slow down and walk at my own pace
As there is no rush and there’s no race.

Newly found crush

I write your name on the last page of notebook
I constantly stalk you on facebook
Seeing you out in public makes me blush
I guess you are my newly found crush.

You’re the one who can turn my life around
Your voice is soothing like it’s a nightingale’s sound.
You have a wonderful and admirable soul
You make me feel hot even when it’s cold.

Miss those moments…

I miss those moments when I was carefree
Back when I used to be so friendly
Real life struggles took over me
I succumbed under the pressure finally.
 
Tried to break out of this cage
Take a new course of action then make a change
Got stuck and felt lost
Knew got to try harder and don’t be soft.
 
All I ever do is make more efforts
Put a smile on my face even though it hurts
Count my blessings and all my comforts
In a hope that one day I will recover.