Amazing Afterlife

Don’t feel sorry for me, I want no pity
It’s the rage inside me that is building
Worry about that, I am colder than ice
Hotter than fire when I want to be
I would punch a punching bag to release
All the anger that is controlling me

Direct my energy into productive activity
To not go insane, to keep my sanity
There’s no joke, no negativity
I speak from experience, it’s my reality

All the pressure that is a weight on my shoulders
I am growing colder, as I grow older
My heart is a rock and not an organ
People used to call me noble, now they call me arrogant

But it’s just the way I have lived
I used to be a sincere man you would’ve ever met
Sometimes things don’t turn out the way we want them to
Some ideas just strike us out of the blue
Life has a way to make things happen when you have no clue

Not telling my story doesn’t mean I don’t have one
Just because I am bitter doesn’t mean I don’t want to have fun
It’s the way my mind is designed
Even in the hard times, I put a smile
Obstacles in life could be a blessing in disguise
I become the villain in your eyes
Days pass by after each night
I sit, think and wish for an amazing afterlife

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Reluctant to change

I refuse to learn, I refuse to admit my mistakes
Bad things happen to everyone but there’s only so much pain you can take
My suffering is real, I am disturbed, it’s not fake
I am reluctant to change.

Maybe I have become the kind of person who is willing to simply accept his fate
But there’s a heavy weight on my chest that I can’t shake.

I want to change but I don’t put in the effort
Do I have a problem or am I just a lazy fuck up?
Swearing is not my cup of tea
Pardon me, I can’t think clearly.

All I know now is I am reluctant to change
Inside of me, I can feel a build up of rage
I am not sure what I’ll do at any stage
I don’t trust myself in the first place
So I know I won’t be breaking it anyway.
Even if I fall flat on my face
I will still be reluctant to change.

Possessed by a ghost
My mind is out of control
Not completely but almost
Breathe in and breathe out
Calm down and don’t shout
They try to reassure me but I still have a pool of doubts
I lay awake drowning in my own misery until I pass out.

I woke up in the evening
Having the same old feelings
Vividly remember my dreams
I can still hear all those screams
Which were piercing my ears as they were so loud
It was like hundreds of people gathered in a crowd.

Then I go and take a walk in the park
It doesn’t matter that it’s getting so dark
Dark resides in me
I’m no longer afraid of it
It’s a part of me and I embrace it
I walk towards a bench and I sit
This is comfortable and not strange
Guess this is why I am still so reluctant to change.

More than she needs me

Maybe I need her more than she needs me

Is it a coincidence or all this is meant to be?

I always wonder shall we talk ever again?

I expect her to come and heal my pain.

 

Late night talks we will cherish one day

If only I keep her in my life and not push her away

I crave her attention yet I don’t want her to stay

I put the words in her mouth that she doesn’t say.

 

I make mistakes and so does she

Feels as if she is cruel yet so lovely

I leave it on the destiny

It will happen if it’s meant to be.

 

I ponder over my life every day and night

I have goals that are always in my mind

She is the last thing I worry about

I won’t allow her to come, if she does I won’t let her out.

 

I regret I message her every day after I wake up

I promise to not do it again as I pour tea in my cup.

As the evening rolls in I can’t help myself

When emotions take over how does one help oneself?

 

Guess I’ll make this mistake again

Just rub more salt on my wounds to feel the pain.

Maybe I need her more than I imagined

Maybe she isn’t only a friend, she has become my passion.

 

I am obsessed with her

She is like a drug that makes reality looks blur.

Ecstasy takes over and I lose control

This night I can’t stop, I don’t want to be alone.

We’re different(poem)

You look at my face and look in my eyes
You think you say truth but those are lies
I know what is there in your mind
You’re cruel, you’re not kind.

I trust you, I always do
If you’re the color red, I am the color blue.
If you are the road then I am the sky.
If you’re the laugh then I am the cries.

We’re different and don’t lie to me
Unlock the door and use the key
Don’t play games, I don’t know the rules
My story is finished, I know I am a fool.

Figment of imagination

Create a tree or a bee or a sea

Make a rainbow or anything else you want to see

Lovely things or dangerous beings

All up to you, you are free.

 

Do they exist or do they don’t?

Is it real or a figment of imagination?

You can make anything you want to make

That’s the beauty of our puzzling brain

 

As long as you remain curious

Nothing is going to bore you ever

You can have turns and twists

You can take so many risks

 

You can be kind or clever

You can sleep or dance forever

These can be good or bad

These can give you peace or drive you mad.

 

It’s the figment of imagination that makes it real

If it doesn’t exist in physical world, doesn’t mean it is unreal

Art is amazing and art is persuasive

Think things up and be creative

The kid

I look back and see a kid

Disturbed with himself with the way he lived

Tried things, vowed he’ll never quit

Gathered the broken pieces and started to rebuild

 

After few years he looks in the mirror

One day, he sees a beard

Astonished! He thinks about the time he most feared

He’s growing up and the kid has disappeared.

 

Expectations get bigger each day

It’s time to turn the dreams into reality someday

He has to be careful with what he does today

As it will become history one day.

 

He still feels like he’s a kid

Same old innocence and same old grin.

Though he realizes he is older

He knows he cannot carry the heavy weight on his shoulder.

 

He is young and there’s lot to learn

Wisdom is not given, it is earned.

What will future bring?

He sighs as he thinks.

 

 

19 and still counting

Still the young remains alive in me
Wondering what’s next, lying under a tree.
Feels refreshing to taste the sweet afternoon tea,
Then dreaming about the Caribbean sea.

Still watch the stars at night,
As I forget about my fear of height.
All the rushing sounds around me,
Yet I remain calm and quiet.

Still 19 and have a lot to see,
Haven’t grown up completely.
Yesterday I was just a kid,
I remember all the wrong things I did.

Still there are endless possibilities,
If only we believe in our own abilities.
The melancholic melodies are so soothing,
As it reminds us of the things we have lost and losing.

Rainy days

I still remember those rainy days,

When nights were better than those regular days.

Being alone never made me feel lonely.

I did have a friend and that was me; one and only.

 

Dusk seemed brighter and more peaceful than dawn.

I am still  here but those  moments have long gone.

All the right things now seem wrong.

Late at night, I  am  wandering in this empty lawn.

 

Walking underneath this starry night.

I wait for an unexpected miracle to strike.

Reality is not a fairy tale,

I keep walking as I wish to confront my fate.

 

Hope keeps us strong and alive.

Till the day comes when we face our  demise.

A sad reality looms over us and wait for arrival,

As we fight and struggle everyday for our survival.

Stop pretending

Stop pretending everything’s fine.

Others don’t give a damn neither a dime.

Life struggles are reality, not a sin or a crime.

It’s hard to keep it in,

When everything falls apart and nothing’s fine.

 

I see others having fun and enjoying.

I just wish all those good things and happiness were mine.

But I am left here, sitting in a small dark room crying.

 

Wipe the tears flowing from your eyes.

Happy endings are not true, those are lies.

Somebody save me, these inner demons will finish me and lead to my demise.

Even if it happens, I won’t be surprised.

I am used to it now, I won’t go down but I’ll rise.

The only option is to climb upwards.

There is nothing at the end if I go downwards.

 

Shoot for the moon and hit the stars,

Just to see how much can I travel.

Will I end up here or go too far?

 

It’s not about reaching the stars,

It’s all about healing those scars.

I suffered from reckless pain back then,

So I will not give up until I breathe or unless I am dead.

 

Stop pretending things were fine always.

There is nothing to be afraid of and you have already found solace.

You have a family and loads of friends,

nothing to lose and nothing to gain.

 

Things don’t work like that though,

Reality is real, even if you want it to be unreal, it sometimes seems surreal.

On the surface, nothing is dirty, everything is clear.

 

Hoping things will get better soon,

‘Cause I feel relaxed and content,

only once in a blue moon.

 

Trying to think outside the box.

Trying to be as clever as a fox.

Trying to climb up on the longest wall.

Trying to defy all the odds.

 

Hope is there as it has always been.

I wish to see those things which I have never seen.

Be as noble as I can get, as noble as no one has ever been.

 

Don’t have a debt under your belt.

It’s hard to repay and impossible to forget.

Lagging behind you is not an option.

Nagging you constantly is only the solution.

 

I imagine doing things that no one does.

Imagine thinking those things to whom all that never occurs.

Imagine saying things aloud but only find myself whisper.

This life is a struggle, man! It’s a roller coaster.

 

Don’t waste it on blame games.

No use calling each other lame names.

Focus on your main aim

Haters will have nothing to say but display shame.

That’s when you know you’re a winner.

You’re a real life hero and not a hero in fiction.

 

 

 

 

I need to..

I need to go out.

I need to move my hands.

I need to move my legs.

I need to move on.

I need to get things done.

I need to get over obstacles.

I need to smile back at people.

I need to be a good human.

I need to listen to my favorite song.

I need to also sing along.

I need to eat my favorite food.

I need to learn how to cook.

haveafewwords.wordpress.com
haveafewwords.wordpress.com

I need to handle the anxious moments.

I need to enhance my self esteem.

I need to love my work and succeed.

I need to be responsible, I’m no longer sixteen.

I need to be a bit more caring.

I need to be a bit more daring.

I need to learn to have some fun.

I need to be strong in the longer run.