On a wonderful evening of Thursday, I was gazing outside the window, admiring the beauty of the sunset which had been gradually taking away another day and leaving my unstoppable-thinking mind with new set of memories. I was trying to relax, but a hint of unsettled feeling was driving me nuts. I felt something was missing. A sense that something was incomplete, unfulfilled and a shadow of emptiness made the room appear darker. I spent my morning having fun with friends and later, wrote a poem, watched my favorite show and did some virtual interaction. By the time of evening, I was feeling a strange sensation which was rather irrational and pointless. That’s what I thought anyway.
However, this strange feeling refused to leave. Nobody likes an uninvited guest to suddenly arrive at your doorstep but sometimes, you have to welcome them even if it makes you resentful towards them. The worst thing that could happen after that is your guest not giving a slight hint of leaving but being a well-mannered educated person, you try your best to serve them as long as they’re at your house. Dejection is something which is an unsolicited guest residing in your body without your allowance. Only difference is that, you do not care about the etiquette and try your best to throw it out of your system but you’re not strong enough to do it all by yourself. A friend is needed during those times when you’re too weak to handle something all by yourself.
Perhaps, this was the reason I was feeling emptiness during that marvelous sunset which seemed to have great magical powers. It looked as if it had the healing power of turning an emotionally wounded person into a happy, energetic and full of life, happy-go-lucky persona. I was sitting all alone beside that window on an armchair gazing outside. Was it loneliness that made me feel so unsettled? Or was it the fact that I was not fulfilling my desired goals? I had to do a hard introspection before I could come up with an answer. I had to look deep within to truly know what was missing.
For the time being, I thought that maybe all I needed was to make a plan, organize my schedule and take a small step to achieve my goals. I always thought after high school, life would suddenly change. I’d become an extrovert, an overall positive person, develop good study habits and everything would be perfect but I was, apparently, very wrong. Life hasn’t changed much, in fact, I sometimes feel even more irresponsible than before. I realized I had to make a change, take control over actions or otherwise accept the life as it will come to me. Each day was passing by with a one-way ticket. I became aware that these days which are saying goodbye after every 24 hours are not going to stay here even if I begged them to stay. It was necessary to stop waiting and start acting.
I had Friday, Saturday and Sunday off from college so I knew I could do a lot of things during those 3 days. 3 days are a long time but they might not be that long. Well, all depends on how you perceive it. I decided I’d view these 3 days as a long, long time. I muttered to myself, “You only have 3 days remaining to live. Do whatever you want. Do not think about your past; do not think about your future. There is only present and you’ve got 3 days to live. So, better stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop dwelling onto insignificant things and start doing what you’ve always desired for. Work in small steps and give yourself a chance to make your dream come true.”
These words I told myself will probably have a great impact on me even in the future. I will have to remember over the years that I do not have an eternity to live. So, to avoid this empty, unsettled feeling, I know, as a matter of fact, that I need to start working in small steps to achieve the desired results. One step at a time can do wonders.
Make the most of these upcoming 3 days!