Lie to my face

You look me in the eyes
With a straight face
Without a shame
You will leave me one day without a trace.

Lie to me all the time
‘Cause of you I am losing my mind
You drive me insane
You’ve become the reason of all my pain.

Just say the truth once
Be blunt, be upfront
I’m your second choice
Just someone to kill the time.

Don’t play games with me
I am already hurt
Why do you have to play with my feelings?
I need time to recover, I need time to search for my life’s meaning.

You only care about yourself
That’s why you keep lying
When I call you out you start crying
Stop driving me crazy
Stop calling me daily
You are a liar
Stop feeding the fuel in fire.

You keep on lying
I keep on trusting
This is how I get repaid
If you were honest to me I would’ve stayed
But now I am going to go away
I won’t trust you again, I am afraid.

Advertisements

Reluctant to change

I refuse to learn, I refuse to admit my mistakes
Bad things happen to everyone but there’s only so much pain you can take
My suffering is real, I am disturbed, it’s not fake
I am reluctant to change.

Maybe I have become the kind of person who is willing to simply accept his fate
But there’s a heavy weight on my chest that I can’t shake.

I want to change but I don’t put in the effort
Do I have a problem or am I just a lazy fuck up?
Swearing is not my cup of tea
Pardon me, I can’t think clearly.

All I know now is I am reluctant to change
Inside of me, I can feel a build up of rage
I am not sure what I’ll do at any stage
I don’t trust myself in the first place
So I know I won’t be breaking it anyway.
Even if I fall flat on my face
I will still be reluctant to change.

Possessed by a ghost
My mind is out of control
Not completely but almost
Breathe in and breathe out
Calm down and don’t shout
They try to reassure me but I still have a pool of doubts
I lay awake drowning in my own misery until I pass out.

I woke up in the evening
Having the same old feelings
Vividly remember my dreams
I can still hear all those screams
Which were piercing my ears as they were so loud
It was like hundreds of people gathered in a crowd.

Then I go and take a walk in the park
It doesn’t matter that it’s getting so dark
Dark resides in me
I’m no longer afraid of it
It’s a part of me and I embrace it
I walk towards a bench and I sit
This is comfortable and not strange
Guess this is why I am still so reluctant to change.

So many questions

So many questions no answers

The weight of the troubles doesn’t transfer

Whenever I try make it right I make blunders
The ache in my heart strike me like a thunder

Waking up, I feel exhausted
I face these demons, they are traumatic
So scary that I am repeatedly haunted
There’s nothing like feeling unwanted

It’s my destiny that I hate
Can’t complain, they say it’s my fate
My head spins when I walk on the road
Legs tremble so I crawl on the floor

Shoulders are heavy now
I try to get up but I only go down
I see the sun and hope to see sunshine
I am in hell yet I say I am just fine

So many questions but no answers
I want to see a bouquet but I see dead flowers
I want to break free and scream out on top of a tower

This is not a game
Success doesn’t mean fame
My identity is my name
Why should I be afraid to be me? Why should there be any shame?

So many questions but no answers
I’ll ask them hundred times but to no avail
I’d want to succeed and not fail
Even if it means walking on hot flames

So many questions but no answers
Joy has vanished there’s only anger
I am an amateur but I want to be a master
That’s why I take shortcuts and like to cut to the chase faster

Now I know this is not the right way 
I’ll have to work night and day
There are questions and there will be answers
If only I rebuild after suffering this disaster

Need to be patient to remain sane
Take it as a boon and not a bane
It’s my story and I am the main character
Can’t back down, I’ve to fight like a wrestler.

I hide in my shell 
Because outside has become hell
People around me do wish me well
Life becomes harder when you have no friend.

Choice

“Every day is a new opportunity and every day we face plenty of choices without realizing their long term consequences.”

Ever think about it? I do. Although I am by no means brilliant or successful. I don’t have an IQ as high as Albert Einstein, I am clearly not great in sports (although I run fast and used to jump 5m in long jump, a sort of humble brag) and I still have a lot to learn.

I have made mistakes in the past and I have no hesitation to admit I’ll continue to do so. That is the epitome of being human, isn’t it?

So, the choice. Why does choice matter? It matters because it has consequences. Each and every choice you make everyday will have an effect on your life whether major or minor.

Wake up early or sleep a bit more? Play video games or study? Drink coffee or orange juice? Read a book or watch a TV series?

These might seem small and guess what? They’re actually small things. These small things make a big difference though. Every single drop of water is necessary to make up an ocean. Similarly, every choice has an impact on your life.

Once this realization hit you, your point of view shifts and you see things in a new light. Let me address why our choices so vital. People often say they don’t have the motivation to study. They don’t have the motivation to do this, to do that etc. But here is the secret. It’s not about motivation. Motivation comes and goes. For success, one needs to be disciplined.

How do you discipline yourself? By making small adjustments, small things, and small habits etc. This is why I earlier said small things make a big difference. It is not about that surge of renewed energy we call motivation that makes you successful in the long run. It’s the discipline.

Make small changes. Build small but effective hobbies. See the change in your lifestyle when you make small changes and slowly shift your point of view. The miracles of small but effective habits will assist you in the long run.

Remember, you make plenty of choices every day and every choice has consequences. It’s up to you to decide for yourself and analyze the situation properly. Only then you will be able to reflect on your life more carefully.

Rain

I smell rain and I smell freedom
Animals love rain so do people
Nostalgia kicks in as I inhale
I remember good old days when I exhale

Magical weather and lovely season
I want to celebrate life for this reason
Rain gives me positive vibes
The smell of it keeps me alive

Daily Dilemma

Try to see things from their eyes and you will realize that they suffer and there are no lies

They act as if everything’s fine when they cry all night

Put a smile on their face and live their life.

 

Why no one is there when you need someone?

What’s up with their story that they don’t care?

Well, you can only control what you do

Remaining things are not up to you.

 

That girl said we’d be together

Whether it is warm or cold weather

Just when you feel as if they’re your soul mate

They prove otherwise and you ponder over your fate.

 

Is it the world we live in then?

Where you have to buy your every friend

This is the place where no one cares

Where everyone is greedy and nothing is shared.

 

Your friends will tell you they’re with you forever

Next second they vanish and see you never

Blame game starts and you fight with them

Chaos happens and cause mayhem

 

You go home and try to sleep

Your head hurts as the demons in your head are too deep

Fear settles as your heart races

Your hands are trembling and your body is shaking.

 

We just try to pass each day

In this mundane life where no one wants to play

Life has itself become a big game

I have only one life and I have to change.

 

So next day I try once more

Only to find myself in the same spot I was before

I may go insane and lose control

If that happens promise me you’ll let me go.

The kid

I look back and see a kid

Disturbed with himself with the way he lived

Tried things, vowed he’ll never quit

Gathered the broken pieces and started to rebuild

 

After few years he looks in the mirror

One day, he sees a beard

Astonished! He thinks about the time he most feared

He’s growing up and the kid has disappeared.

 

Expectations get bigger each day

It’s time to turn the dreams into reality someday

He has to be careful with what he does today

As it will become history one day.

 

He still feels like he’s a kid

Same old innocence and same old grin.

Though he realizes he is older

He knows he cannot carry the heavy weight on his shoulder.

 

He is young and there’s lot to learn

Wisdom is not given, it is earned.

What will future bring?

He sighs as he thinks.

 

 

Discovering myself

Here I sit in a new place
Forgetting about the old days
Not worrying about what anyone says
Discovering myself in new ways

Wandered in the mountains
Finding new passions
Wonderful scenery stole my heart
Nature has created an amazing art.

I would love to come back one day
To see its lovely face once again
I’ll slow down and walk at my own pace
As there is no rush and there’s no race.

Look

I look for a friend in a stranger’s face
Search for the spark that has vanished away
Wait for someone to send me wishes
Close the gap and build some bridges

Love me or hate me, show some emotion
Even if it makes me feel vulnerable
Your presence should make me feel comfortable
Rather than make me feel miserable.

I wish to get back the trust I had in you
Urge to text you “I want to see you soon”
When I used to think the day I met you was a boon
But all I can do is sit in silence and watch the moon

Anger is filled inside me
Neither want to hear you nor want to see
I am not what I am I wanted to be
That’s why I laugh at my own stupidity.

19 and still counting

Still the young remains alive in me
Wondering what’s next, lying under a tree.
Feels refreshing to taste the sweet afternoon tea,
Then dreaming about the Caribbean sea.

Still watch the stars at night,
As I forget about my fear of height.
All the rushing sounds around me,
Yet I remain calm and quiet.

Still 19 and have a lot to see,
Haven’t grown up completely.
Yesterday I was just a kid,
I remember all the wrong things I did.

Still there are endless possibilities,
If only we believe in our own abilities.
The melancholic melodies are so soothing,
As it reminds us of the things we have lost and losing.