Lie to my face

You look me in the eyes
With a straight face
Without a shame
You will leave me one day without a trace.

Lie to me all the time
‘Cause of you I am losing my mind
You drive me insane
You’ve become the reason of all my pain.

Just say the truth once
Be blunt, be upfront
I’m your second choice
Just someone to kill the time.

Don’t play games with me
I am already hurt
Why do you have to play with my feelings?
I need time to recover, I need time to search for my life’s meaning.

You only care about yourself
That’s why you keep lying
When I call you out you start crying
Stop driving me crazy
Stop calling me daily
You are a liar
Stop feeding the fuel in fire.

You keep on lying
I keep on trusting
This is how I get repaid
If you were honest to me I would’ve stayed
But now I am going to go away
I won’t trust you again, I am afraid.

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Reluctant to change

I refuse to learn, I refuse to admit my mistakes
Bad things happen to everyone but there’s only so much pain you can take
My suffering is real, I am disturbed, it’s not fake
I am reluctant to change.

Maybe I have become the kind of person who is willing to simply accept his fate
But there’s a heavy weight on my chest that I can’t shake.

I want to change but I don’t put in the effort
Do I have a problem or am I just a lazy fuck up?
Swearing is not my cup of tea
Pardon me, I can’t think clearly.

All I know now is I am reluctant to change
Inside of me, I can feel a build up of rage
I am not sure what I’ll do at any stage
I don’t trust myself in the first place
So I know I won’t be breaking it anyway.
Even if I fall flat on my face
I will still be reluctant to change.

Possessed by a ghost
My mind is out of control
Not completely but almost
Breathe in and breathe out
Calm down and don’t shout
They try to reassure me but I still have a pool of doubts
I lay awake drowning in my own misery until I pass out.

I woke up in the evening
Having the same old feelings
Vividly remember my dreams
I can still hear all those screams
Which were piercing my ears as they were so loud
It was like hundreds of people gathered in a crowd.

Then I go and take a walk in the park
It doesn’t matter that it’s getting so dark
Dark resides in me
I’m no longer afraid of it
It’s a part of me and I embrace it
I walk towards a bench and I sit
This is comfortable and not strange
Guess this is why I am still so reluctant to change.

Bittersweet melancholy

Bittersweet melancholy comforts me

Like a blanket has been pulled over me

I lie down on bed in the hope of sleep
I toss and turn, breath in and out while I count to three.

I reminisce the past memories
Whether good or bad they may be
I visit back in time to make peace
And remember when I used to read under a tree.

Nostalgia is my old friend
A reminder of the long forgotten trends
When reading fiction was all I needed.

My imagination kept me alive
Gave me the hope to one day do a skydive
Thinking about it brought so much thrill
I still remember it and still get the chills.

As I wish what could have been turned out differently
I realise I have to just let it be
Wishful thinking and reality are not alike
My heart is broken and yet I say I’m fine.

Bittersweet melancholy takes over
Like a thirsty man needing water
It’s a part of me from which I can’t snap out
So I just stay silent and suppress my shout.

I’d change myself if I wanted to
But sometimes I wonder if that’s what I want to do
I keep moving and go with the flow
In the hopes one day I’ll shine and brightly glow.

Bittersweet melancholy comforts me
It is a known and familiar feel
I’ll give joy another shot in next life
Either I’ll have to recover or reborn.

So many questions

So many questions no answers

The weight of the troubles doesn’t transfer

Whenever I try make it right I make blunders
The ache in my heart strike me like a thunder

Waking up, I feel exhausted
I face these demons, they are traumatic
So scary that I am repeatedly haunted
There’s nothing like feeling unwanted

It’s my destiny that I hate
Can’t complain, they say it’s my fate
My head spins when I walk on the road
Legs tremble so I crawl on the floor

Shoulders are heavy now
I try to get up but I only go down
I see the sun and hope to see sunshine
I am in hell yet I say I am just fine

So many questions but no answers
I want to see a bouquet but I see dead flowers
I want to break free and scream out on top of a tower

This is not a game
Success doesn’t mean fame
My identity is my name
Why should I be afraid to be me? Why should there be any shame?

So many questions but no answers
I’ll ask them hundred times but to no avail
I’d want to succeed and not fail
Even if it means walking on hot flames

So many questions but no answers
Joy has vanished there’s only anger
I am an amateur but I want to be a master
That’s why I take shortcuts and like to cut to the chase faster

Now I know this is not the right way 
I’ll have to work night and day
There are questions and there will be answers
If only I rebuild after suffering this disaster

Need to be patient to remain sane
Take it as a boon and not a bane
It’s my story and I am the main character
Can’t back down, I’ve to fight like a wrestler.

I hide in my shell 
Because outside has become hell
People around me do wish me well
Life becomes harder when you have no friend.

Won’t fall for that ever again

You said it twice that you care
That it’s a strong bond that we share

False promises full of false hope

I’m sliding down on this slope.
There’s a fog in my brain

There is an endless pain

It won’t fade until I do 

Some wishes never come true.
It’s not real, it never was

The promises that felt real were all false

Life goes on and we have to move ahead

Love has the power to conquer the dread. 
I won’t fall for that ever again

Even if it means losing instead of gain

I’d rather embrace the solitude 

And change my current attitude.

First time(poem)

Oh I felt so good when I said Hi to you for the first time
You replied and I felt butterflies
As you shook my hand, on my face you could see a broad smile.
You were the light in my life, you became the sunshine.

Next night we walked on the sidewalk
Holding hands you talked in whispers
When we were sitting in front of the river
I put my coat around you as you shivered in this winter.

Then I dropped you at home
I told you I’ll miss you
It was like I met you for the first time, it felt new.
I waved good-bye and you hugged me out of the blue.

Affectionate Eyes

Your eyes glow like a shining star
They’re so beautiful, they heal my scars.
All the tragic moments of life
Turns out to be so nice.

I feel full of hope when you look at me
Wish I am the only person you’d want to see
That’s an unrealistic fantasy.

Your eyes are so affectionate
I love looking into them, I just can’t wait.
Wish I’d be lucky and we share our fate
But I know it’s only a wish, I am not the person you’ll want to date.

I’ll look in your eyes
Wish I could take away all your cries
I don’t want you to feel lonely
In case you need me, I am here for you only.

I live in a world where nothing makes sense
Where I am by myself with imaginary friends.
You’ll go backwards if you come with me
It’s a place where you get addicted and you can’t leave.

So, I vow to look in your eyes forever
I admire them so much, they make me feel better.
I am in love with those pitch black eyes and hair
Your eyes are amazing, I can’t help but stare.

My time will come

I think about writing but my mind stops me
The kid who once had vivid imagination is now a wannabe
The troubles and tragedies of life have shattered me completely
I still put on a smile and act carefree,

In my mind I know how deeply I am affected
I could’ve battled alone or so I believed
I am breaking down though and my aspirations keeps vanishing
My time will come, that’s what everyone tells me.

Got to express myself clearly
But the words can’t be found and my thoughts are blurry
I run in the evening to distract myself
To channel the aggression that is building inside me

How long will I ignore my demons, I don’t know.
But I promise you, I won’t let them show.
I feel as if I wish that cannot happen in reality, no?
During a hot summer day I want to see snow.

You tell me to calm down and relax
No matter how much I try, I keep holding my breath.
It’s something that is out of my control
All I can do is have patience and reach my goals.

Rain

I smell rain and I smell freedom
Animals love rain so do people
Nostalgia kicks in as I inhale
I remember good old days when I exhale

Magical weather and lovely season
I want to celebrate life for this reason
Rain gives me positive vibes
The smell of it keeps me alive

Discovering myself

Here I sit in a new place
Forgetting about the old days
Not worrying about what anyone says
Discovering myself in new ways

Wandered in the mountains
Finding new passions
Wonderful scenery stole my heart
Nature has created an amazing art.

I would love to come back one day
To see its lovely face once again
I’ll slow down and walk at my own pace
As there is no rush and there’s no race.