Immature Kid

A couple years back, an old man said that I was mature beyond my age
But if you ask a random teen girl, she would call me an idiot with an exhausted face
Doesn’t matter if I tried to stay fit, run a mile everyday, and beat everyone in a sprint race
Now I look like a guy whose hair are about to turn grey
Well, that’s what they say.
So guess, I’m an immature kid
Who doesn’t have control over his impulse
Someone who’ll shoot himself in the foot and eventually self destruct
That’s wrong on so many levels
You don’t know me that well if you think I am going to put myself in trouble
Got enough intelligence to leave before a situation gets too bad
Like a family gets abandoned by a deadbeat dad

An immature kid who talks maturely
Not even difficult to find, it is a rarity
Calling a saint a sinner is blasphemy
If I act rude to someone, that’s on me
I’ll accept my mistake and issue an apology
In this land, everyone does shady deeds
Some give a helping hand to someone who’s in need
I’ll give my both hands to grab you up when you’re down
But if you turn against me, I’ll throw you in water and won’t let you out till you drown

So, still one would think I’m an immature kid
Despite me being twenty one and having many more years to live
Just think about the capacity I have at the moment
After ten years, I probably will be even more solemn
And what if I find solace in being soul less?
Least, it makes me more self aware
Drives me through each day without giving a care
Helps in covering my emotions with thick layers
That’s why I don’t feel the need to have everyday prayers
Have had some rough moments, had my fair share
So if you still think it’s a lack of maturity
Then I can’t keep giving you security
I’ll let you dig deeper in your own insecurity

Gun In The Drawer

I open my drawer, take out a gun
Think about shooting myself in the head, wouldn’t it be fun?
They say it’s an act of cowardice
But it’s a choice about how one dies
It’s an option, not for everyone I believe
Some people have no other option, they just want to leave
In my own home, I act like I am a thief
For some reason, I feel someone’s watching me
Guilty for pondering the thought of coming to an end
But what can I do? I am reaching a dead-end
I search for someone who can be a true friend
Who would actually care and not just pretend

With a grin on my face, I go to bed
“Let’s put this off til tomorrow”, I said
I’ll wake up in the morning, start a new day
I’ll get to open my eyes and see the sun rays
Sunshine will blossom and send a positive vibe
Only to let the night kick in later, finishing all the hype
It will get dark, I’ll see myself in a different light
With this thought I see myself in another world yet again
I am dreaming and this world feels like a better place

Eyes open, day is new, same old reality
After finishing work I am back in a room that is empty
I sit on a chair, put on some music
Listening to it everyday makes it no longer therapeutic
I don’t want to listen to it, rather have it muted
I get up, a tortured soul crying for help, I hate myself

Open the drawer, take out a gun
I no longer have the will to see the sun
Moon looks mesmerizing with its glimmering glow
The world is a quiet place, everything seems to be moving so slow
I put the gun on my forehead this time
This is probably going to be my last night

Rush flows through my veins
Eyes are watery, tears roll down like a rain
As I am about to pull the trigger
I stop to think and look at my fingers
They are trembling with fear
Just one move, and the end will be near
I think deeply and the thought lingers
I do realize I was failing to see the bigger picture

So I put the gun back where it belongs
What I was about to do was wrong
I am defeated, I beg for some mercy
My head spins and my vision goes blurry
I wake up to the birds singing outside
Kids playing in the park, riding on a slide
If I ever want a company, the true friend will stay with me
It will be there through thick and thin
Only the gun in my drawer can grant me my wish

In a bubble

I live in my own bubble
Avoid all troubles
I just want to lay back, have no struggles
No rush, no hustle
In my own world, I make the rules
Grow a fruit and eat it too
Don’t want any orders
Maybe I have antisocial disorder

Have this hatred for authority
They take advantage of seniority
I thought I would change once I turned twenty
It keeps getting stronger, to hate them is my duty
I try to think differently
But it’s the way I am, it’s just me
Next morning I will wake up and decide to change
It’s plain old routine, it’s the fault of my brain

It’s a pattern I am stuck into
Thoughts just strike me out of the blue
I am unable to express them coherently
It’s a testimony of my limited ability
Realizing it is a sign of maturity
I tell myself this, to make myself feel happy

I live in my own bubble
Not asking for any trouble
My fate is a jigsaw puzzle
That I cannot seem to solve
I try to find myself but keep getting lost
Writing worthless lines to keep me entertained
‘Cause I know with it, there’s nothing to gain

More than she needs me

Maybe I need her more than she needs me

Is it a coincidence or all this is meant to be?

I always wonder shall we talk ever again?

I expect her to come and heal my pain.

 

Late night talks we will cherish one day

If only I keep her in my life and not push her away

I crave her attention yet I don’t want her to stay

I put the words in her mouth that she doesn’t say.

 

I make mistakes and so does she

Feels as if she is cruel yet so lovely

I leave it on the destiny

It will happen if it’s meant to be.

 

I ponder over my life every day and night

I have goals that are always in my mind

She is the last thing I worry about

I won’t allow her to come, if she does I won’t let her out.

 

I regret I message her every day after I wake up

I promise to not do it again as I pour tea in my cup.

As the evening rolls in I can’t help myself

When emotions take over how does one help oneself?

 

Guess I’ll make this mistake again

Just rub more salt on my wounds to feel the pain.

Maybe I need her more than I imagined

Maybe she isn’t only a friend, she has become my passion.

 

I am obsessed with her

She is like a drug that makes reality looks blur.

Ecstasy takes over and I lose control

This night I can’t stop, I don’t want to be alone.

Bittersweet melancholy

Bittersweet melancholy comforts me

Like a blanket has been pulled over me

I lie down on bed in the hope of sleep
I toss and turn, breath in and out while I count to three.

I reminisce the past memories
Whether good or bad they may be
I visit back in time to make peace
And remember when I used to read under a tree.

Nostalgia is my old friend
A reminder of the long forgotten trends
When reading fiction was all I needed.

My imagination kept me alive
Gave me the hope to one day do a skydive
Thinking about it brought so much thrill
I still remember it and still get the chills.

As I wish what could have been turned out differently
I realise I have to just let it be
Wishful thinking and reality are not alike
My heart is broken and yet I say I’m fine.

Bittersweet melancholy takes over
Like a thirsty man needing water
It’s a part of me from which I can’t snap out
So I just stay silent and suppress my shout.

I’d change myself if I wanted to
But sometimes I wonder if that’s what I want to do
I keep moving and go with the flow
In the hopes one day I’ll shine and brightly glow.

Bittersweet melancholy comforts me
It is a known and familiar feel
I’ll give joy another shot in next life
Either I’ll have to recover or reborn.

Won’t fall for that ever again

You said it twice that you care
That it’s a strong bond that we share

False promises full of false hope

I’m sliding down on this slope.
There’s a fog in my brain

There is an endless pain

It won’t fade until I do 

Some wishes never come true.
It’s not real, it never was

The promises that felt real were all false

Life goes on and we have to move ahead

Love has the power to conquer the dread. 
I won’t fall for that ever again

Even if it means losing instead of gain

I’d rather embrace the solitude 

And change my current attitude.

First time(poem)

Oh I felt so good when I said Hi to you for the first time
You replied and I felt butterflies
As you shook my hand, on my face you could see a broad smile.
You were the light in my life, you became the sunshine.

Next night we walked on the sidewalk
Holding hands you talked in whispers
When we were sitting in front of the river
I put my coat around you as you shivered in this winter.

Then I dropped you at home
I told you I’ll miss you
It was like I met you for the first time, it felt new.
I waved good-bye and you hugged me out of the blue.

We’re different(poem)

You look at my face and look in my eyes
You think you say truth but those are lies
I know what is there in your mind
You’re cruel, you’re not kind.

I trust you, I always do
If you’re the color red, I am the color blue.
If you are the road then I am the sky.
If you’re the laugh then I am the cries.

We’re different and don’t lie to me
Unlock the door and use the key
Don’t play games, I don’t know the rules
My story is finished, I know I am a fool.

Figment of imagination

Create a tree or a bee or a sea

Make a rainbow or anything else you want to see

Lovely things or dangerous beings

All up to you, you are free.

 

Do they exist or do they don’t?

Is it real or a figment of imagination?

You can make anything you want to make

That’s the beauty of our puzzling brain

 

As long as you remain curious

Nothing is going to bore you ever

You can have turns and twists

You can take so many risks

 

You can be kind or clever

You can sleep or dance forever

These can be good or bad

These can give you peace or drive you mad.

 

It’s the figment of imagination that makes it real

If it doesn’t exist in physical world, doesn’t mean it is unreal

Art is amazing and art is persuasive

Think things up and be creative

You and I

You are running at the speed of light
I am trudging like a tortoise.
You’ll reach greater heights,
I will enjoy my slow ride.

You are aiming to achieve more,
I am deceiving myself with everyday chores.
You look forward to new challenges,
While I prepare myself to wait for more damages.

You want to take huge strides,
I want to stay at the backside.
You want to be at the driver’s seat,
While I just look outside my window seat.

You’re not afraid of anything,
I try to hide away from everything.
You’re the one I wish to be,
I wonder if I’ll think the same when I turn twenty three.