Immature Kid

A couple years back, an old man said that I was mature beyond my age
But if you ask a random teen girl, she would call me an idiot with an exhausted face
Doesn’t matter if I tried to stay fit, run a mile everyday, and beat everyone in a sprint race
Now I look like a guy whose hair are about to turn grey
Well, that’s what they say.
So guess, I’m an immature kid
Who doesn’t have control over his impulse
Someone who’ll shoot himself in the foot and eventually self destruct
That’s wrong on so many levels
You don’t know me that well if you think I am going to put myself in trouble
Got enough intelligence to leave before a situation gets too bad
Like a family gets abandoned by a deadbeat dad

An immature kid who talks maturely
Not even difficult to find, it is a rarity
Calling a saint a sinner is blasphemy
If I act rude to someone, that’s on me
I’ll accept my mistake and issue an apology
In this land, everyone does shady deeds
Some give a helping hand to someone who’s in need
I’ll give my both hands to grab you up when you’re down
But if you turn against me, I’ll throw you in water and won’t let you out till you drown

So, still one would think I’m an immature kid
Despite me being twenty one and having many more years to live
Just think about the capacity I have at the moment
After ten years, I probably will be even more solemn
And what if I find solace in being soul less?
Least, it makes me more self aware
Drives me through each day without giving a care
Helps in covering my emotions with thick layers
That’s why I don’t feel the need to have everyday prayers
Have had some rough moments, had my fair share
So if you still think it’s a lack of maturity
Then I can’t keep giving you security
I’ll let you dig deeper in your own insecurity

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Amazing Afterlife

Don’t feel sorry for me, I want no pity
It’s the rage inside me that is building
Worry about that, I am colder than ice
Hotter than fire when I want to be
I would punch a punching bag to release
All the anger that is controlling me

Direct my energy into productive activity
To not go insane, to keep my sanity
There’s no joke, no negativity
I speak from experience, it’s my reality

All the pressure that is a weight on my shoulders
I am growing colder, as I grow older
My heart is a rock and not an organ
People used to call me noble, now they call me arrogant

But it’s just the way I have lived
I used to be a sincere man you would’ve ever met
Sometimes things don’t turn out the way we want them to
Some ideas just strike us out of the blue
Life has a way to make things happen when you have no clue

Not telling my story doesn’t mean I don’t have one
Just because I am bitter doesn’t mean I don’t want to have fun
It’s the way my mind is designed
Even in the hard times, I put a smile
Obstacles in life could be a blessing in disguise
I become the villain in your eyes
Days pass by after each night
I sit, think and wish for an amazing afterlife

Edge of the Bridge

I move along with time in despair
Wish I can be content, that’s my only prayer
An update is needed in my software
You tell me not to act like a robot,
But what if it’s just my only goal?
I don’t need counseling or someone who wants to console
‘Cause I stopped caring years ago
I don’t care, I have sold my soul
Or maybe someone came and stole
The heart that I once had made of gold,
It’s not in my possession
Life happened and it taught me a lesson

Never let your emotions come out
To the world ’cause it doesn’t care
You got to face the obstacles
Life isn’t fair
I look like a human from the outside just like you
But you don’t really know me, you haven’t walked in my shoes
I was the only one who pulled myself through
Now I look back at my life and try to review
There were so many opportunities that I blew
Not that I did not knew
But I was naive enough not to know their value

So now I stand at the edge of the bridge
Pondering the thought of jumping and be finished
Or maybe give it a chance and give my life a meaning
Find the joy in something and start living
The idea is a scary phenomenon
It’s a long journey though, soon I’ll be twenty one
I try to put a smile on your face
But I fail to write sentences that are articulate

I use a language that is straight
No beating around the bush, that’s insane
Get to the point and say what you want to say
A night is a night and a day is a day
No matter how I say it, it’ll remain the same
I just want to convey
I only know how to express only in this particular way
Plenty of events wait ahead
It’ll be no fun without a friend
Till then I’ll be killing my time
Find different ways to express myself and make them rhyme

In a bubble

I live in my own bubble
Avoid all troubles
I just want to lay back, have no struggles
No rush, no hustle
In my own world, I make the rules
Grow a fruit and eat it too
Don’t want any orders
Maybe I have antisocial disorder

Have this hatred for authority
They take advantage of seniority
I thought I would change once I turned twenty
It keeps getting stronger, to hate them is my duty
I try to think differently
But it’s the way I am, it’s just me
Next morning I will wake up and decide to change
It’s plain old routine, it’s the fault of my brain

It’s a pattern I am stuck into
Thoughts just strike me out of the blue
I am unable to express them coherently
It’s a testimony of my limited ability
Realizing it is a sign of maturity
I tell myself this, to make myself feel happy

I live in my own bubble
Not asking for any trouble
My fate is a jigsaw puzzle
That I cannot seem to solve
I try to find myself but keep getting lost
Writing worthless lines to keep me entertained
‘Cause I know with it, there’s nothing to gain

So many questions

So many questions no answers

The weight of the troubles doesn’t transfer

Whenever I try make it right I make blunders
The ache in my heart strike me like a thunder

Waking up, I feel exhausted
I face these demons, they are traumatic
So scary that I am repeatedly haunted
There’s nothing like feeling unwanted

It’s my destiny that I hate
Can’t complain, they say it’s my fate
My head spins when I walk on the road
Legs tremble so I crawl on the floor

Shoulders are heavy now
I try to get up but I only go down
I see the sun and hope to see sunshine
I am in hell yet I say I am just fine

So many questions but no answers
I want to see a bouquet but I see dead flowers
I want to break free and scream out on top of a tower

This is not a game
Success doesn’t mean fame
My identity is my name
Why should I be afraid to be me? Why should there be any shame?

So many questions but no answers
I’ll ask them hundred times but to no avail
I’d want to succeed and not fail
Even if it means walking on hot flames

So many questions but no answers
Joy has vanished there’s only anger
I am an amateur but I want to be a master
That’s why I take shortcuts and like to cut to the chase faster

Now I know this is not the right way 
I’ll have to work night and day
There are questions and there will be answers
If only I rebuild after suffering this disaster

Need to be patient to remain sane
Take it as a boon and not a bane
It’s my story and I am the main character
Can’t back down, I’ve to fight like a wrestler.

I hide in my shell 
Because outside has become hell
People around me do wish me well
Life becomes harder when you have no friend.

Faint Smile!

I’d like to sing a song.
I’d like to be alone…
I’d like to talk to you.
I’d like to stop missing you.

I wish time could heal my broken heart.
Or if there was a magic spell that would take me out of this hell.
I wish I could see that faint smile one more time.
After a lousy day, when I am so down.
You are the one who take me out..
So we spend a beautiful time together.
I whisper to myself, I’d do anything to get her.

I’d like to understand you better.
I’d like to be more clever.
I’d like to stop feeling shattered.
I’d like to be ecstatic.

I wish I could see your faint smile.
I wish I could say you’re mine.
I wish I could get out of this dark light.
I wish I could make my future bright.
Just show me your faint smile….one more time.

Maybe I am a little bit selfish at times…..

Maybe I am a little bit selfish at times.
Believe me even I don’t like it, I admit that I am guilty of this crime.
I try my best to move on every day, hoping one day I’ll shine.
I keep on writing because nobody would listen, so I need to find a way to smile.
I am full of flaws, I can’t change it but everyone goes through harsh times.
It is just a bad phase which I will have to face,
This is the only way to stay alive.
Sometimes I do feel like I am a maniac.
But then I realize I am just feeling a bit high.
All those drugs I took once in my lifetime,
Certainly going to hurt me like I have been struck by a blow from a sharp knife.
I shout aloud to my inner demons,
Only to realize they’re stronger than me, I can’t do anything, I’ve been beaten.
This invisible ghost, who resides inside me, has completely eaten me up.
I wanted to engage myself in social situations,
In the end I realized they were even scarier.
I need to make my own path now.
Have to be comfortable in my own skin, my new passion is solitude now.
Will never be hard on myself, I vow to myself.
I will be braver than ever, no matter what happens, I’ll never say never.
It’s easier said than done, but I will have to try my best to start a new life,
I want to stop feeling sorry for myself.
I do not want to be alone when I die,
but it is something which is completely out of my hands.
Perhaps, it’s just because I am a bit irresponsible and I never pay much attention.
As I said, I am full of flaws, so there is no need for any correction.
What do I want exactly?
Maybe I am still guessing.
I am so lost at the moment that I cannot feel present in this moment.

Secrets!

My secrets have been hidden in a box.

If I reveal them, it will certainly give you a shock.

Sometimes I can’t rhyme or even write, well, that’s just another writer’s block.

End of the day is near, shows my old wood clock.

Sometimes I want to tell what’s happening inside my head.

Reveal the secrets and thoughts which I won’t ever tell.

The darkest secrets which should not be disclosed even to a close friend.

You’d wish to know all about it, but it’s hard to comprehend.

You act like you understand but I know you just pretend.

So I’d like to keep my secrets well hidden because it hurts to expect.

Bored to do!

Too bored to do anything new.
Too bored to start anything new.
I am fed up with the daily routine of mine,
The friends I am left with are very few.


No places to go to,
There is no destination where I can belong to.
I need someone to be with me, only if it’s one or two.
Asking for minutes, I don’t want your hours or your day,
I plead to you, don’t say that I need to stay away.


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I want to be close to you, increase the proximity between us two.
Approval is available from me, but you say it is hard to do.
We’ll go out together, play in the ground again
We will make it the best way to spend a day,


Just need to have each other’s company,
Then we’ll start all over with something new.

That assignment we got the other week, which is two days due,
I haven’t started with it yet, because I was waiting for you.
We used to do all things together,
The current status of our attachment is not the same,
I assume, the balance of our friendship, we ought to review.