The kid

I look back and see a kid

Disturbed with himself with the way he lived

Tried things, vowed he’ll never quit

Gathered the broken pieces and started to rebuild

 

After few years he looks in the mirror

One day, he sees a beard

Astonished! He thinks about the time he most feared

He’s growing up and the kid has disappeared.

 

Expectations get bigger each day

It’s time to turn the dreams into reality someday

He has to be careful with what he does today

As it will become history one day.

 

He still feels like he’s a kid

Same old innocence and same old grin.

Though he realizes he is older

He knows he cannot carry the heavy weight on his shoulder.

 

He is young and there’s lot to learn

Wisdom is not given, it is earned.

What will future bring?

He sighs as he thinks.

 

 

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Impact of an emotional trauma

Plenty of people perhaps do not realize what it’s like to have suffered a trauma. It’s easier to say something cliché like “Be happy, be positive and smile.” The only thing that is a concern here is if it were that easy then nobody would ever be miserable, people would never feel dejected at all, everybody would probably always be happy, and most importantly nobody would ever complain about anything because they’d be “happy and smile.”

I came up with an analogy to help people empathize a lot more with the people who have faced a trauma in their life or have struggled in life in any way.

Suppose a Tsunami has destroyed a city. Every building, every park, etc. has been dismantled by the disaster. Some people have died in this catastrophe, and the mayhem caused by Tsunami has left everything shattered and has lead to the death of hundreds of individuals. Well, it must have been a traumatizing sight surely when it was happening, but once it stops, there’s a deadly silence everywhere.

All of a sudden there is no noise all around the city. It is quiet. Is it peaceful…is it? Yes, it is. However, it became calm only after a storm! In this case, it is Tsunami though.

If you look at it now, you’d realize how calm and peaceful it is out there.  If you reverse the clock backwards, you’d see chaos out there.

What does this analogy teach us? We learn that things aren’t always like they appear to be. You don’t exactly know anyone’s story and their past. You do not know why someone is like the way they are. What circumstances lead them to become who they are today.

Similarly, someone who has struggled in life and has faced a traumatic event might appear cool, calm and even collected. We never know what goes inside their head. In the analogy above, it’s the impact of Tsunami that needs to be understood. It might be calm after it is over, but it left everything destroyed and dismantled. Fixing the broken stuff requires time and patience. What would be necessary to fix those things?  It’d require skill and time. Do not be afraid to take your time to fix things.

So what would be required to get back on track for the person who has faced a difficulty? Just like skill to make things, a person needs good habits to have a healthy foundation of a successful life. Apart from good practices, it’s necessary to allow yourself time to overcome the difficulties. Do not be afraid to take time.

Trauma can have a severe negative impact on your life, but you can gather the broken pieces and fix them once again. The most important thing to remember is you have to take your time and do not feel as if there’s no tomorrow.

A disaster can destroy you, but you can always strive to do better and try to do better each day.

 

Why do I exist?

It is a question I often ask myself. There are schools. There are colleges. There are jobs. There is money. There are many things but nothing gives us a reason to live.

You do school from K-12, then college and then you get a job so that you can live. Sounds like an ideal system in an ideal world. However, we don’t live in an ideal world, do we?  World is unfair, according to some. But is it really like that? Is the world actually unfair? I used to think it is. Many used to think it is and even now a lot of people think it actually is unfair. The older I get, the more I realize world is not unfair, it just is. Universe is indifferent.

World would still work whether we are here or not.  Whether I exist or don’t, the Earth is still going to rotate around the sun. There will still be a new day after this night and the cycle will continue.

I know this yet I am afraid. “Afraid of what?” I ask myself. Afraid of future, afraid of responsibilities, afraid of expectations, afraid of getting a job, afraid of trusting others, afraid of everything…afraid to live.

It is an endless cycle of trying to stop being so afraid of everything and just let it be.  The question that I often ask still remains and it will continue to remain as there are no rules, no guarantees and  no concrete answer  to this… Why do I exist?

Discovering myself

Here I sit in a new place
Forgetting about the old days
Not worrying about what anyone says
Discovering myself in new ways

Wandered in the mountains
Finding new passions
Wonderful scenery stole my heart
Nature has created an amazing art.

I would love to come back one day
To see its lovely face once again
I’ll slow down and walk at my own pace
As there is no rush and there’s no race.

Newly found crush

I write your name on the last page of notebook
I constantly stalk you on facebook
Seeing you out in public makes me blush
I guess you are my newly found crush.

You’re the one who can turn my life around
Your voice is soothing like it’s a nightingale’s sound.
You have a wonderful and admirable soul
You make me feel hot even when it’s cold.

Miss those moments…

I miss those moments when I was carefree
Back when I used to be so friendly
Real life struggles took over me
I succumbed under the pressure finally.
 
Tried to break out of this cage
Take a new course of action then make a change
Got stuck and felt lost
Knew got to try harder and don’t be soft.
 
All I ever do is make more efforts
Put a smile on my face even though it hurts
Count my blessings and all my comforts
In a hope that one day I will recover. 

19 and still counting

Still the young remains alive in me
Wondering what’s next, lying under a tree.
Feels refreshing to taste the sweet afternoon tea,
Then dreaming about the Caribbean sea.

Still watch the stars at night,
As I forget about my fear of height.
All the rushing sounds around me,
Yet I remain calm and quiet.

Still 19 and have a lot to see,
Haven’t grown up completely.
Yesterday I was just a kid,
I remember all the wrong things I did.

Still there are endless possibilities,
If only we believe in our own abilities.
The melancholic melodies are so soothing,
As it reminds us of the things we have lost and losing.

You and I

You are running at the speed of light
I am trudging like a tortoise.
You’ll reach greater heights,
I will enjoy my slow ride.

You are aiming to achieve more,
I am deceiving myself with everyday chores.
You look forward to new challenges,
While I prepare myself to wait for more damages.

You want to take huge strides,
I want to stay at the backside.
You want to be at the driver’s seat,
While I just look outside my window seat.

You’re not afraid of anything,
I try to hide away from everything.
You’re the one I wish to be,
I wonder if I’ll think the same when I turn twenty three.

Rainy days

I still remember those rainy days,

When nights were better than those regular days.

Being alone never made me feel lonely.

I did have a friend and that was me; one and only.

 

Dusk seemed brighter and more peaceful than dawn.

I am still  here but those  moments have long gone.

All the right things now seem wrong.

Late at night, I  am  wandering in this empty lawn.

 

Walking underneath this starry night.

I wait for an unexpected miracle to strike.

Reality is not a fairy tale,

I keep walking as I wish to confront my fate.

 

Hope keeps us strong and alive.

Till the day comes when we face our  demise.

A sad reality looms over us and wait for arrival,

As we fight and struggle everyday for our survival.

Ache in Pain

I am so hurt by you
Even my pain has its own ache.
I miss you so much
Want to see you once again!
Mistakes done by you
Still I’ll take all the blame.
You’re sometimes as cold as ice
But your anger is like touching hot
flames.

I freeze when I see you
and burn when I don’t.
I don’t want to be jealous
But it’s not my faut, it’s yours.
You make me feel that way
I have so much to think
and nothing to say.