Terrible face


I made a mistake, I accept 

But all this time it seemed like a foreign concept

Never realised I had a terrible face

I don’t believe a single word that anyone says

Loathe myself, just killing time and spending days

I need to make a change but I will never be the same

I should held up my head high but I am so ashamed

I want to be alone but I also want fame

Some days I get so distracted that I even forget my own name

All I know is I’ll never be the same 

‘Cause I have a terrible face
I look so terrible 

Scared to look in the mirror

The dark circles, the acnes, dry skin

Oh my God! I have started to get a double chin

Maybe I committed a mistake or even worse a sin

That’s why I look horrible even with a grin

It’s a lost battle, man! I can’t win

I am just glad I at least don’t have a twin

Because I look like trash, I am dustbin

There are demons inside of me that lies within
They look at my terrible face and laugh

I could ramble on and on and write lengthy paragraphs

I look so terrible, man! I won’t even look at my own photograph

People make fun of me and never miss a chance 

Girls look away when I ask them to dance

Look so terrible that they won’t even take a glance

That’s why I am so scared to make any advance

I’ll never get an opportunity to experience romance

Man, I do have a terrible face

I wish it was drawn with a pencil so I could use an eraser to erase

So I wouldn’t write this in the first place.

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Lie to my face

You look me in the eyes
With a straight face
Without a shame
You will leave me one day without a trace.

Lie to me all the time
‘Cause of you I am losing my mind
You drive me insane
You’ve become the reason of all my pain.

Just say the truth once
Be blunt, be upfront
I’m your second choice
Just someone to kill the time.

Don’t play games with me
I am already hurt
Why do you have to play with my feelings?
I need time to recover, I need time to search for my life’s meaning.

You only care about yourself
That’s why you keep lying
When I call you out you start crying
Stop driving me crazy
Stop calling me daily
You are a liar
Stop feeding the fuel in fire.

You keep on lying
I keep on trusting
This is how I get repaid
If you were honest to me I would’ve stayed
But now I am going to go away
I won’t trust you again, I am afraid.

Bittersweet melancholy

Bittersweet melancholy comforts me

Like a blanket has been pulled over me

I lie down on bed in the hope of sleep
I toss and turn, breath in and out while I count to three.

I reminisce the past memories
Whether good or bad they may be
I visit back in time to make peace
And remember when I used to read under a tree.

Nostalgia is my old friend
A reminder of the long forgotten trends
When reading fiction was all I needed.

My imagination kept me alive
Gave me the hope to one day do a skydive
Thinking about it brought so much thrill
I still remember it and still get the chills.

As I wish what could have been turned out differently
I realise I have to just let it be
Wishful thinking and reality are not alike
My heart is broken and yet I say I’m fine.

Bittersweet melancholy takes over
Like a thirsty man needing water
It’s a part of me from which I can’t snap out
So I just stay silent and suppress my shout.

I’d change myself if I wanted to
But sometimes I wonder if that’s what I want to do
I keep moving and go with the flow
In the hopes one day I’ll shine and brightly glow.

Bittersweet melancholy comforts me
It is a known and familiar feel
I’ll give joy another shot in next life
Either I’ll have to recover or reborn.

So many questions

So many questions no answers

The weight of the troubles doesn’t transfer

Whenever I try make it right I make blunders
The ache in my heart strike me like a thunder

Waking up, I feel exhausted
I face these demons, they are traumatic
So scary that I am repeatedly haunted
There’s nothing like feeling unwanted

It’s my destiny that I hate
Can’t complain, they say it’s my fate
My head spins when I walk on the road
Legs tremble so I crawl on the floor

Shoulders are heavy now
I try to get up but I only go down
I see the sun and hope to see sunshine
I am in hell yet I say I am just fine

So many questions but no answers
I want to see a bouquet but I see dead flowers
I want to break free and scream out on top of a tower

This is not a game
Success doesn’t mean fame
My identity is my name
Why should I be afraid to be me? Why should there be any shame?

So many questions but no answers
I’ll ask them hundred times but to no avail
I’d want to succeed and not fail
Even if it means walking on hot flames

So many questions but no answers
Joy has vanished there’s only anger
I am an amateur but I want to be a master
That’s why I take shortcuts and like to cut to the chase faster

Now I know this is not the right way 
I’ll have to work night and day
There are questions and there will be answers
If only I rebuild after suffering this disaster

Need to be patient to remain sane
Take it as a boon and not a bane
It’s my story and I am the main character
Can’t back down, I’ve to fight like a wrestler.

I hide in my shell 
Because outside has become hell
People around me do wish me well
Life becomes harder when you have no friend.

Grand scheme

“I don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.”

This realization will be termed depressing or nihilistic or cynical. However, this is the reality. As they say, life is neither fair nor unfair. It’s indifferent. Universe is indifferent. It’ll continue to move forward with or without you. Time doesn’t wait or stop for anyone.

Here I am reflecting on my short life I have lived so far. So much has already happened. Things have gone bad more than good yet here I am thinking about my future, writing this up and pondering over the reason of my existence.

I remain quiet. I talk less and listen more. The reason is not many people want to listen. Everyone wants to speak. So, I observe and try to listen more to understand the other person.

The grand scheme and the big picture, that’s what I   think about now. I go out every day and see thousands of people. There are literally billions of people in this world. I can’t help but think “I don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.”

I am just one person. Out of all the billion people, I am one, with my own dreams, desires and goals. This realization is so liberating but at the same time leaves me with void. It’s the void of meaninglessness.