Lie to my face

You look me in the eyes
With a straight face
Without a shame
You will leave me one day without a trace.

Lie to me all the time
‘Cause of you I am losing my mind
You drive me insane
You’ve become the reason of all my pain.

Just say the truth once
Be blunt, be upfront
I’m your second choice
Just someone to kill the time.

Don’t play games with me
I am already hurt
Why do you have to play with my feelings?
I need time to recover, I need time to search for my life’s meaning.

You only care about yourself
That’s why you keep lying
When I call you out you start crying
Stop driving me crazy
Stop calling me daily
You are a liar
Stop feeding the fuel in fire.

You keep on lying
I keep on trusting
This is how I get repaid
If you were honest to me I would’ve stayed
But now I am going to go away
I won’t trust you again, I am afraid.

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So many questions

So many questions no answers

The weight of the troubles doesn’t transfer

Whenever I try make it right I make blunders
The ache in my heart strike me like a thunder

Waking up, I feel exhausted
I face these demons, they are traumatic
So scary that I am repeatedly haunted
There’s nothing like feeling unwanted

It’s my destiny that I hate
Can’t complain, they say it’s my fate
My head spins when I walk on the road
Legs tremble so I crawl on the floor

Shoulders are heavy now
I try to get up but I only go down
I see the sun and hope to see sunshine
I am in hell yet I say I am just fine

So many questions but no answers
I want to see a bouquet but I see dead flowers
I want to break free and scream out on top of a tower

This is not a game
Success doesn’t mean fame
My identity is my name
Why should I be afraid to be me? Why should there be any shame?

So many questions but no answers
I’ll ask them hundred times but to no avail
I’d want to succeed and not fail
Even if it means walking on hot flames

So many questions but no answers
Joy has vanished there’s only anger
I am an amateur but I want to be a master
That’s why I take shortcuts and like to cut to the chase faster

Now I know this is not the right way 
I’ll have to work night and day
There are questions and there will be answers
If only I rebuild after suffering this disaster

Need to be patient to remain sane
Take it as a boon and not a bane
It’s my story and I am the main character
Can’t back down, I’ve to fight like a wrestler.

I hide in my shell 
Because outside has become hell
People around me do wish me well
Life becomes harder when you have no friend.

Grand scheme

“I don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.”

This realization will be termed depressing or nihilistic or cynical. However, this is the reality. As they say, life is neither fair nor unfair. It’s indifferent. Universe is indifferent. It’ll continue to move forward with or without you. Time doesn’t wait or stop for anyone.

Here I am reflecting on my short life I have lived so far. So much has already happened. Things have gone bad more than good yet here I am thinking about my future, writing this up and pondering over the reason of my existence.

I remain quiet. I talk less and listen more. The reason is not many people want to listen. Everyone wants to speak. So, I observe and try to listen more to understand the other person.

The grand scheme and the big picture, that’s what I   think about now. I go out every day and see thousands of people. There are literally billions of people in this world. I can’t help but think “I don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.”

I am just one person. Out of all the billion people, I am one, with my own dreams, desires and goals. This realization is so liberating but at the same time leaves me with void. It’s the void of meaninglessness.